Monday, May 7, 2012

5/7/12 - Official Results

It's officially a negative.

He said my HCG level was 1, which is pretty much equal to 0.

We're scheduled for a consultation on 5/10 and hope to start the next cycle asap... while I'm on COBRA insurance with a partial fertility benefit.

Dr. D said my uterus looked perfect so he's thinking my embryos had cromozomal abnormalities.  He wants me to stop all meds and start taking Co-Q 10, 400mg a day.  This is suppose to improve the quality and quantity of my eggs.  I told him that IVF sucks and his patients go through a lot.  I was kind of laughing as I said it... it wasn't meant to be or come across as offensive.  He said he knows, he feels it from his patients and that's why they do everything they can to have the great success rates that they have.

The emotions of it:  I'm really sad.  There are no words for how I feel.  I can't stop crying.  To be honest, I almost passed out because I couldn't catch my breath.  This just isn't fair.  This was suppose to be it.  "Unexplained Infertiility"... I'm suppose to be the easy case.  IVF sucks.  I don't want to do it again... but I will.  Mothers Day next week will suck. 

I just want to allow myself today to be sad and feel sorry for myself (and Corey).  I can pick myself up and be positive another day.


  1. Oh Kim, I am just so sorry. I wish there could have been a different outcome and that I could hug you.
    You are right, IVF and infertility DO suck. Big time. But this does happen. Even if it doesn't always happen when we want it to. Do what you need to do and feel everything so you can start fresh with a little hope. I'm thinking of you and your hubby.

  2. I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you this time. It is such a huge disappointment after all that we go through. It really is unfair. I wanted to tell you that I started taking Co-Q10 after my last failed cycle and my embryos this time were much better quality. I really believe that had something to do with it. Wishing you the best with your next try.

  3. I'm so sad.... :( I was sooo hoping this was it too! I can only imagine how much more sad you are than I am. I mean I know a little taste of it. took us 5 years for our first and I was heart broken every time we tried and things didn't work out. I also remember the fear and emotions behind being checked for infertility problems,.. but I only scratched the surface of that path. My heart aches for my friends that are going through this or have gone through this and I'm aching for you and Corey. You probably didn't even know I was following but I am and I am hoping hoping hoping for you like everybody else who loves you that this next time will work. Love Theresa

  4. Kim I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles with fertility. Life is so not far. I don't know you well but I cried as I read your blog. My heart breaks for you guys. You and Corey will be amazing parents someday! I'm grateful for your willingness to share your trial. Reading about your challenge to bring a child into this world reminded me what a blessing my children are. I will be more patient and loving with them today because of you.

  5. That is hard news to give I am sure Kimberly. My heart is broken for you guys. This could have been it for you and Corey and there was no reason for you guys not to be excited about it. So of course the disappointment comes hard. You have a lot of love around you to get you thru this. Don't you wish you could just open a cloud and just ask Heavenly Father what the deal is? Pray for comfort and ask for a blessing of comfort. Those are my favorites:) Everyone can offer all the advice that they have, but we r not the one's going thru this trial. I can only imagine how painful this is and I wish I could help more. I talked to someone the other day and found out a friend, maybe 26, has breast cancer and undergoing chemo. Why does she have to go thru that? Our job is not to know the "why" of it, it is what we "do" with it. You are a fighter Kimberly. On the flip side though, take as many days as you need to "mourn". That is a healthy part of the process! Love you cuz!__Mary