Thursday, May 31, 2012

5/31/12 - Don't Look at Me

Today at work an employee came in with her new baby.  I had never met her before and she of course doesn't know my situation.  I love babies and I'm so happy for everyone that receives that blessing but this girl would not stop complaining... and she kept looking at me!  She was in my office - which I share with Kristin.  Kristin was holding the baby and I was just typing away and looking busy.  But this girl kept complaining about doctors appointments and she would look at me and laugh like "isn't it crazy!  Babies are so hard and I'm so funny".  Well lady, I don't feel bad for you.  I go to the dr almost every other day.  You can handle 1 a week for your little blessing.

Sorry that sounds very mean. I'm not usually too negative or bitter. I just wanted to vent for a moment. :) Thanks for listening.

5/30/12 - Blood Work

I did blood work this morning and they called me this afternoon to tell me that because of something they saw in the blood test they're moving my next blood test appt up one day, so next one is Sat not Sun.  They said this doesn't effect the rest of my schedule.

5/29/12 - Day 1 of Cycle

Today I started my cycle and called the fertility center to get this FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) on the road.  I started earlier than they thought, which I'm happy about because I'm not very patient.  (says the girls that has been trying to get pregnant for 5 1/2 year - HA)

They emailed me the appointment and med schedule which looks something like this:

5/30/12 - Blood Work and start Aygestin pills 2x/day
6/3/12 - Blood Work and stop Aygestin (which will start my cycle AGAIN)
6/6/12 - Baseline Ultrasound and Blood Work
6/7/12 - Begin 2 Estrace pills 3x/day
6/9/12 - Blood Work
6/12/12 - Ultrasound and Blood Work
6/15/12 - Ultrasound and Blood Work
6/16/12 - Begin Progesteron in Oil injections at 7pm every day
6/18/12 - Blood Work
6/21/12 @ 2:00pm Embryo Transfer!
6/21/12 - 6/23/12 Best Rest

They said I DON'T need to take LUPRON injections this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm SOOOOO happy about that!  That's the only injection that really effected me emotionally.  I was so irratable on it last time.  So COREY and I are VERY happy about not doing them this time :)

Tonight I went to CrossFit again.  I am sooo sore.  The no exercise part of IVF is definitely taking a toll on my body.

5/28/12 - A Day Off

Today is Monday - Memorial Day and I have the day off!!

Today is also day 1 of being cleared to work out again!!  This morning I ran 3 miles, then went to CrossFit and tonight we played STREET HOCKEY in our culdesac with some friends.  It was another great day and I am still happy to report no bloating.  Maybe last retrieval was just an anomaly.  Thank goodness.  Still waiting for Aunt Flow - so I can get my transfer schedule.  Might be getting it by the end of the week.

5/27/12 - Emotional Sunday

Today is Sunday and we went to church.  I've been feeling pretty good and haven't been too sad BUT something weird/embarrassing happened in Relief Society (last class of the day). 

The teacher talked A LOT about motherhood and raising children.  I teared up a little a few times, but wasn't too emotional UNTIL the teacher went into a little shpeal about women wanting to be mothers and struggles with infertility.  Wow.  I lost it. 

I was LUCKILY sitting in the back corner next to a friend.  I turned my head to the corner and tried to block my ugly crying face with my long hair.  I was very careful to be SILENT, so I don't think too many people could tell I was crying - except for the presidency which was facing the group.  I was bawling.  My whole body was trembling and my face was dripping... eyes and nose.  Thank goodness my friend had a tissue.  She just put her arm around me as I tried to breathe slowly and get myself under control.  What a weirdo.  I couldn't control it.

After the lesson the bishop's wife came back to me and she was crying too.  She said "I came back here to cry with you and share this message".  She handed me her phone which had a paragraph from a talk that focused on infertility.  It was sweet of her to share that with me.

I apologized to her and my friend and I explained that it was just a bad time for me to hear that message because our 1st IVF and FET cycle just failed and we're in the middle of the 2nd.  They understood... but it was still embarrassing.  I walked out to the truck and just laid back in the seat and cried all the way home. 

I think it was just one of those weird emotional days.  I'm fine.  I had a great afternoon with Corey and I went to a beatiful wedding that night with my brother.

5/26/12 - Blood Work & Relaxing

Today is Saturday and this morning I had blood work.  It was quick and easy.  Afterwards I met up with my friend, her son and my boss at a wonderful cafe.  Then my friend and I did a little shopping.  Later in the day Corey and I went to his parent's house and laid out by the pool.  It was a lovely relaxing day.  I am so happy that I am NOT as bloated as I was last time.  I have felt pretty good since retrieval.

Friday, May 25, 2012

5/25/12 - Fertilization Report

Dr. D just called and said out of 30 retrieved 24 fertilized and are now in the freezer!  He said that was EXCELLENT!  Last time only 10 out of 20 fertilized.

I also asked him what happened yesterday.  He said that I had some coughing spells and it must have caused pressure on my cervix and the clamp that closed off the needle insertion site must have opened up so they took me in and re-clamped it.  He said it was not a big problem they just had to re-do the clamp.  He also said this was the first time in 15 years that this happened!  Lucky me :)  I'm not too worried about it because I feel fine today and I trust everyone at the fertility center.

Next step is blood work tomorrow morning then call them with the 1st day of my cycle in 9 - 11 days.  Then we start a 2 week prep for transfer.

So far so good!!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

5/24/12 - Retrieval and "Scare"

I got up at 5am and we were at the fertility center at 6:15am.  They gave me my little hospital bracelet and took me straight back.  I changed into the special hospital outfit with the open gown in the back, the hair cap and booties - so cute.  ;)

The nurse had a hard time finding a good vein for the iv.  It was weird because I usually have easy veins. 

The anesthesiologist sat with me for a while and asked me a bunch of medical history questions.  She asked me how anxious I was feeling on a scale from 1 to 10.  I told her 1 and that last time I felt like I was a 0.  She was suprised by the low numbers and happy I was so relaxed :)

Then she walked me into the operating room with the iv stand and baggie in tow and she filled my iv with some lovely medicine and I don't remember anything else.  (Corey told me to TRY to remember - haha, like if I think hard enough I could remember the procedure).

I woke up in the recovery room and the nurse was checking my pulse and monitoring my vital when I started to feel like maybe I was involuntarily peeing my pants.  I could feel a lot of cold wetness... so I told the nurse that I thought maybe I was bleeding.  She lifted the blanket and took a peek and things got chaotic from there.  She immediately got the Dr and he took a peek and all these nurses were around me right away and they quickly wheeled me right into the operating room again.  I could hear them say words like "a lot of blood", "cotorize", and "clamp off".  (I was still very groggy).  The Dr placed the speculum and starting working and it hurt a lot.  The anesthesioligist was figiting with my iv and I remember saying "please knock me out".  She put a syringe in the iv and I was out.

When I woke up AGAIN in the recovery room the Dr came in and said "You gave us quite a scare".  He said they had to clamp off something (again, I was very groggy).  Maybe it was because I was knocked out twice but I defintely felt a lot more groggy this time than last.  The nurse told me to call if I started bleeding a lot again but that everything should be fine.  She also said that if I didn't feel well tomorrow that they'll write me a work note to stay home - but I had last week off for vacation so I need to work, so I'm definitely going in tomorrow, I'll just take it easy and sit in my office all day.

She walked me out and asked my brother to help me to the car.  He ended up having to wait 2 hours past my planned pick up time because of the "scare".

We picked up my prescription for Doxycicline (antibiotic) on the way home and I took a LONG nap. 

I feel so tired still.  I'll just relax the rest of the day and I'll be going to work tomorrow.

I go in for blood work in 2 days (Saturday morning) and I'm suppose to start my cycle in 10-12 days and call them.  I think that's when I start Lupron injections then progesterone to get prepped for transfer.Oh AND they got 30 eggs!!! Hopefully this batch is a better quality :). Dr D will call me tomorrow night with a fertilization report so we know how many sperms hooked up with eggs and made embryos.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

5/23/12 - Pre-Op Exam and Cool Experience

This morning I had blood work and pre-op exam.  They took me back for blood draw and when I went back into the lobby to wait for the pre-op I saw my junior prom date there with his wife!  I went over and said hi and we talked for a while about the wonderful Dr and about the fertility tx process.  They're doing IUI now so it was good for me to be able to share a little bit with them about my experiences.

Then they called me back for the pre-op which is basically just weighing me, taking my blood pressure and listening to my lung... and a lot of paperwork - medical history and stuff for the anesthesiologist tomorrow.  I was actually happy about my weight today.  I feel so bloated and I know I have gained weight throughout this process but I was surprisingly happy with the number today :)

When I walked out in the lobby a man was looking at me like he knew me and he got up to shake my hand.  I was very confused, then he asked if I was Kim.  I said yes and he said "Kim the blogger?"... I realized he must know about my blog somehow.  Then he explained that his wife had found my blog and has been following it and loves to read my posts.  He must have recognized me from my pictures and heard my name when they called me back for the exam.  He said they are a few days behind me in the cycle - which is pretty neat.  I was SO happy he said hello and I'm so glad that others that are going through IVF are enjoying my blog and getting something out of it.  I'm surprised that someone from my very own clinic found the blog.  It's pretty cool :)  So if you're reading this Tammy... HELLO and good luck!! :)

We're going out to dinner now with friends then we're going to try to get a good night sleep because we have to be at the clinic at 6:15AM!  :)  I hope everything goes well and they get oodles and oodles of eggs! 

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

5/22/12 - Ultrasound and Blood Work AGAIN

This morning I went in for another untrasound and blood work.  Dr. D said we're on track for retrieval on Thursday and we'll do a pre-op exam tomorrow morning at 8:50am. 

I had my day planner out and ready to take notes about my follicle count today and the nurse said "No need to take notes, we'll just print out the report for you".  So... here it is...  (33 Eggs!)

Tonight we do a Lupron trigger shot.   Tomorrow morning I go in for my Pre-Op Exam.  Thursday I am scheduled for retrieval at 6:15AM!

Monday, May 21, 2012

5/21/12 - Ultrasound and Blood Work

Ultrasound and blood work went well today. At first glance at the ultrasound Dr D thought I'd be ready for retrieval Wed instead of Thurs but after measuring the follicles he said to give it one more day, so we're back to Thurs for retrieval. Today we had 33 follicles!!

They want me back tomorrow for ANOTHER ultrasound and blood works. :) More updates then.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

5/20/12 - Back from Vacay Update

The meds made it to the condo in CA just fine. The front desk kept them in the fridge for us. Vacation was great!

We rode beach cruisers around Coronado. We had family beach olympics. Went to Disneyland. Shopped with my sisters. And kayaked and snorkeled (ok I couldn't do that because of the up and down motion and I was already a week into my stimulation meds, Dr's orders)

Disneyland was great. They have a nurse station were we stored my meds and used a private room at injection time. I couldn't ride any roller coasters but hung out in the lines with everyone anyway :)

My sisters and mom watched injections and they really hated it. But it was kinda cool to have them experience it with me.

Tuesday morning we found a Quest Lab for blood work. Saturday through Wednesday we did 1 vial of Menopur and 150 iu of Gonal F. Thursday we added Cetrotide (it's cheaper than Ganarelix, which we used last time).

We got back home Saturday night and went in today, Sunday for blood work and an ultrasound. They counted 26 good sized follicles (eggs) and 11 small ones that may develop into follicles. Last time we had 23 total at the last ultrasound and 20 retrieved. So this means we have better numbers than last time. Yay!!

After blood work results came in they called and said the Dr wants me to come in tomorrow for ultrasound and blood work again. I'll write more updates then.

Friday, May 11, 2012

5/11/12 - IVF #2

Last night I had my follow up consult with Dr. D.  Corey couldn't make it so I went alone.  At first when he started showing me pictures of my bad embryos and what good quality embryos should look like I started tearing up and he kept checking if I was ok.  Here's the recap:

He said my uterus looked perfect.

He said my hormone levels were always good.

He said my body was absorbing all the meds very well.

He said I'm the PERFECT PATIENT :)  Because I follow everything they tell me and I take great notes and I'm very attentive.

My embryos just aren't developing how they should.  It could be an egg quality issue but it's not an OBVIOUS egg problem.

He said it's just a statistical issue.  He wants to increase my QUANTITY with round 2 so we can have a better chance of getting at least one good quality embryo.

Dr. D spent a good 40 minutes with me and I could tell that he really cared and he really know my chart inside and out.  He remembered how my ultrasounds looked, he remembered my treatments from last year.  It was so nice to visit with him and ask him ALL the questions I could think of.

This round he's having me take Coenzyme Q-10 vitamins and he's increasing my Gonal F in order to increase my egg quantity.

I felt SO GOOD by the time I left.  I just felt so good about the Dr. being commited to getting me to a healthy delivery. 

TODAY I went in for baseline ultrasound and bloodwork because I started my period yesterday and I'm going to California tomorrow morning.  I met with the IVF Coordinator and she gave me my apopintment schedule and we reviewed my current med inventory so we only order what's necessary.  They're shipping my meds to the condo in California that we're staying at, and I'll pick them up tomorrow when we check in.  We'll be doing injections every night while we're there, even at Disneyland.  I'll go to a Quest Lab in CA on Tuesday for blood work and then an ultrasound and blood work at Dr. D's when we get back on Sunday next week.  Egg retrieval scheduled for May 24th.

IVF #2 payment is made.  Here we go again...

Thursday, May 10, 2012

5/10/12 - Good Ole Uchtdorf

"Wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love."
--Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Forget me not", November 2011 Ensign

Monday, May 7, 2012

5/7/12 - Official Results

It's officially a negative.

He said my HCG level was 1, which is pretty much equal to 0.

We're scheduled for a consultation on 5/10 and hope to start the next cycle asap... while I'm on COBRA insurance with a partial fertility benefit.

Dr. D said my uterus looked perfect so he's thinking my embryos had cromozomal abnormalities.  He wants me to stop all meds and start taking Co-Q 10, 400mg a day.  This is suppose to improve the quality and quantity of my eggs.  I told him that IVF sucks and his patients go through a lot.  I was kind of laughing as I said it... it wasn't meant to be or come across as offensive.  He said he knows, he feels it from his patients and that's why they do everything they can to have the great success rates that they have.

The emotions of it:  I'm really sad.  There are no words for how I feel.  I can't stop crying.  To be honest, I almost passed out because I couldn't catch my breath.  This just isn't fair.  This was suppose to be it.  "Unexplained Infertiility"... I'm suppose to be the easy case.  IVF sucks.  I don't want to do it again... but I will.  Mothers Day next week will suck. 

I just want to allow myself today to be sad and feel sorry for myself (and Corey).  I can pick myself up and be positive another day.

Friday, May 4, 2012

5/4/12 - Initial Results

I just got a call from Dr D. He said they're not seeing any sign of pregnancy and they'll do another test Monday to be sure but he is "concerned" with my levels and if it's negative Monday we'll have a consult and discuss what to change for next time.